he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
