She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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