I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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