I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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