We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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