a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize