stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
