Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
