it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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