I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
where am i from again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
