break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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