She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
