see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
