Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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