have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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