who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
