Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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