D3 body, D1 cock
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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