My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
