Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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