He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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