put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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