who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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