I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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