I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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