You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
