I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
