Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
