If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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