Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
