There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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