Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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