I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
