We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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