I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
