new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize