she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
