I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
