Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Shame - the story of my life.
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