I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
