I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
