Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
