the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
