if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
