I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
