CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
