my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
