I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize