i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
