When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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