do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
