everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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