Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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