Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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