You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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