my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
