Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
