the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will be naked everywhere
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
