You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
