need another drink. this is the easiest way
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
