the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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