Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
