It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
