I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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