Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
